Finals Week

We are already into December, time continues to fly past us.  I had at one point thought that high school simply flew by, and then college, wow that went by quickly, but now it is life.  Life itself is flying past me, it would seem.  Perhaps it is from a schedule that is simply too busy, perhaps it is from not simply resting enough during my free time or my vacations, I am not sure.  I do know that I have not kept up with as many of my friends, as I would like.  It is as though not only my life is pulling me into so many directions, but then everything around me, the things that make my life a little more enjoyable, are pulling me as well.  I have so many friends from Iowa, from college, and even Los Angeles, that have moved away.  I love these people, they are very, very valuable to me and have left an impact on my life, I will be forever grateful for, but it seems that I cannot have the best of both worlds.  I am forced to choose between investing in the relationships and the people that are immediately around me and a part of my life today, or to continue investing in the relationships that are so valuable to me, yet separated by distance.  It is even more complicated than this, I think.  I mean, it is not that I even really have the time I need to invest in the relationships which are around me.  I am being called and pulled to be more intentional in my investments of people that I do not know yet.  It is as though, once someone becomes a good enough friend that you are comfortable and are able to grow and encourage each other, it is time to say good-bye and begin investing in someone else.  There is something kind of scary about this to me.  If we are constantly focusing on the new people that are walking in the door and leaving the ones who have been around for a considerable time to fend for themselves, I am not sure that we are doing justice to the Gospel.  It is kind of a both and kind of a deal.  We do need to be mindful and welcoming to the those that are new and visiting, they definitely need to be discipled as well, but how can we forget those that have been a part of our lives, the shaping of who we are today.  Again, I am merely throwing out thoughts, not things that I have come to definite conclusions on.

It is finals week at Fuller this week, I just submitted my paper on John Calvin and the doctrine of the Lord's Supper last night.  An incredible look at the church's development in such a mysterious and awesome gift.  To summarize what Calvin said, which I believe I have talked about before, the Supper is an outward symbol to the inner nourishment that our souls receive from the life and death of Christ.  In the same way, the waters of baptism do not physically cleanse us of our sins, but represents the cleansing that is occurring within the believer, the Supper is a representation of the inner nourishment, that our souls need, being met by Christ.  

Everything in life is going alright.  I will be very thankful to have my final behind me.  I have a 340 point final tomorrow night in my church history class.  It consists of 10 terms that total 100 points, 2 essays at 100 points each, and 2 random questions at 20 points each.  There is a ton of information that we need to have down.  I am sure that it will go well, but still am a little anxious, I just want to do well.  I can easily say that after this class, my interest and respect for the church historic is improved. This is definitely despite some truly troubling histories and confusions within the church.  I am grateful to know a little better my own history and in understanding that history can more clearly see  how things have developed to be the way that they are today.  

We went into Compton on Saturday and took pictures.  I had the opportunity to talk to a lady named Suzy who had her mail man recommend her house to be cleaned up by us.  She has adopted seven children since birth, one of which is now in his 20's all of them her nieces and nephews.  She is  a single lady doing her best to love these kids, and protect them from the gangs and hardships that pressure them.  She had a renewed faith in the goodness of man, and the blessings of God.  She was going to come and check out Emmanuel, she could not understand how a church could care so much for another city and a person outside of itself.  Saturday night, we also had the opportunity to talk with a guy from the reformed church, church planting committee who is looking at working with Emmanuel in assessing people to become church planters and helping in the initial church plants.

I am excited to begin planning for our trip back to Iowa.  Hopefully this weekend, we will have some time to clean-up around the house and start to bring some order back into our lives.  After Wednesday, Fuller is on break until January 7, so nearly a month of not concerning myself with classes!  Some random notes, we have our Christmas tree up and decorated, I hung the lights, and we have begun to listen to small amounts of Christmas music.  Not exactly a favorite of Tara's :).  

Well, I need to get to some projects, have a blessed day.

matt

A Brand New Day

Well, it definitely is a fresh new day in LA. It is actually raining this morning. I really love the rain, I love the fresh smelling air after a rain, the clear sky, the cool reinvigorating air during the rain, and the soft sound of the rain hitting the ground, but wow, in LA does it cause problems. So yes, we woke up to a beautiful light rain, one that we definitely needed, but then in turn, we have car accidents on several of our major freeways. The beauty of the rain, but for a price. I don't really have any other thoughts on rain outside of these, but I do thank God for all of creation, the way that it cares for itself, the way that rain is formed, how it falls, how it brings nourishment to the ground. We have been and are quite concerned with the future of the earth, and I too am quite concerned. I mean, I don't want to waste resources or pollute the air, I think that this is a beautiful world that God has given us, and I want it to stay beautiful. But isn't that a little conceded? I mean first of all, wouldn't God have known in his foreknowledge all of the technology that we would develop, but not only that, but also the effects of that technology would have on the earth. So no real answers, but perhaps some questions/thoughts to consider.
Right now, I am working on a paper for my church history class at Fuller on, John Calvin's doctrine of the Lord's Supper. All I can say is "amazing." Calvin was an incredible theologian. His care for the use of every sentence, of every word, with such great intention into all of its meaning, I mean, I have to reread what he has written three to four times to just begin to understand the incredible point that he is making. I could go on for quite awhile when looking at the awesomeness of the Lord's Supper. So, I will do my best to keep it somewhat short. The catholics are very much believers in the transubstantiation of the bread and the wine. Believing that some how, mysteriously during the mass, the bread and the wine actually in a very physical sense become the body and blood of Christ. Luther believes in the eubiquity of Christ, which means Christ is in all things and that somehow he is even more present in the elements while we participate in the Lord's supper. He would say that in the physical sense, they remain bread and wine, but in a spiritual sense, they become the body and blood of Christ. Calvin on the other hand, believed that the sacraments were fully of mystery. He did believe that the elements changed in any form, but that some how in our participation in the Lord's Supper we are raised up and Christ is lowered down, so that we participate with him in the supper. It is important to also note, that he believes that we are adopted into the family of God in baptism, and that God being our father, loves us so much that he wants to care for us. In that loving care for us, he wants to nourish us and equip us for the life that the scriptures are calling us to live in. It is in light of this, that our Father in heaven feeds our soul through the body of Christ. It is a spiritual meal, that nourishes our soul for the life that we are called to live. In fact as Dutch Reformers, we follow more closely to Zwingli, who strongly believed that Jesus called it a symbol or a sign for a reason. It is just that. Nothing mystical about it, nothing mysterious to it, Jesus was just using an analogy just like he had in all of his parables.
So anyway, my personal belief...there is something more to it than Zwingli says, I don't understand it all, but I do know that my soul feels nourished and strengthened when we participate. Thank you God for the gift of the Lord's supper.
So, I haven't talked recently about Compton and the idea of Tara and I's moving in. I guess Frank and Cheryl have joined in the conversation/staying up on our blogging...welcome. I am sorry to have surprised you like this with some of our talking. We aren't really sure how all of it this is going to come together, and yes we did/do enjoy driving through Compton and thinking about purchasing a home there, we aren't going to be moving forward in this for a little while yet. So, the next question-what defines a little while...that's a great question, and I'm not really sure. It is really hard to determine where God is calling us. We are truly blessed to be a part of the ministry at Emmanuel and we love the opportunity to serve him through this church, but understanding the call that God has on our life can be difficult amidst so many amazing ministry opportunities.
God is working hard to reshape and clean up a lot of my theology and my understandings of him. There are definitely more questions than I have answers right now, and perhaps that will never change. Sometimes to do the best understanding, I have had to tear down some of the things that have held me up in the past and been a great support, and re-examining them, trying to understand what they were rooted in, how the theology was established, and then re-examining the scriptures and theologians of the past and present to help me re-establish my theological understandings. It is definitely a fun journey, most of the time, but one that is taxing on my spirit, and my head.
For the past couple of weeks, I have been struggling with the idea of prayer, how it works, what it does, what our role is in it, and what is God's. Do we have any power in prayer? Are there special words that should or should not be used in prayer? What does my heart look like most of the time while I pray? Why am I praying for this person, out of expectations I have on myself or others have on me, because I know that I should, how much am I praying for all of the people that I say that I am going to be praying for?
It isn't honestly a question as to whether or not God answers prayer. I know that he does. I am not even so much wondering why he chooses the prayers he answers and seems to not hear the ones that he doesn't answer. I mean, these are great things to consider, how egocentric of us to think that our needs are so huge compared to the lives that people across the world are suffering through, yet God hears our prayers-but not only that he answers them...yet children are still sold into slavery....thousands of innocent children die every year, because of decisions that are made outside of them completely, starvation is real, disease is real, brokenness seems to rule so much of the world, and yet God does step in, here and there, it is not that he is completely removed from it, and somehow in the middle of all that, he does hear our prayers too. He provides rain to the desert, he provides a home and the sale of a home to a single mother that desperately needs a change, he provides a good education for a little girl that needs love and support, He gives jobs that support our lives, He is the giver of all that we have.
I wasn't really planning on going into all of this...it is pretty interesting and difficult to wrestle through.
But life is interesting and full of questions most of which don't have answers, but praise God that we know He is in control and that we are just called to follow Him.
grace and peace
ms

Simple Chats

Chapter 1
Chats with Jesus
“Jesus, may I have a talk with you? It is presumptuous on my part, perhaps, to put it that way, but I think you will understand. My purpose in coming to you is to be instructed, to learn. I know that you became Man in order to redeem us, but I have also heard that you are the model of men and that you were sent by God to show us what the highest kind of manhood is. You once said: “Learn of me.” Well, that is what encourages me to try to look at you. If I knew you better I might be more Christlike in my actions.
It does not matter much what we talk about. In fact, there are so many sides to your character that it probably will take me a long time to grasp any one quality in you. How would it be if I just follow you through your public life and pick out points here and there on which I might do a little thinking and praying? You spent two and a half years in the face of men. You permitted them to come close to you. I would like to do just what the apostles were privileged to do, namely, to accompany you, to spend some hours with you in the hills, to observe you in the temple. It ought to be good for me just to be near you, to listen to some of those sterling truths which you spoke and to watch your character in action.”1
So why do I open with a long quote like this? A good question, I might say. But there is definitely good intentions here. I think that I am ready to begin some conversations with Jesus. I have found myself asking more and more questions while on the train. I am quite content with not knowing all of the details or all of the explanations. This is not something that is reserved for just today's blog, but will randomly appear throughout the blog postings. To me there is a real tension in the observation of who Christ was. Throughout history there have been heresies which label Christ more God than man or more man than God, some arguing that he was created by God later than God, or even that he was an angel sent by God, or I guess even as the Muslim's view him, as a great prophet. There is such a tension in how we talk with him, I suppose. I do not want to simplify him so much that I simply have meaningless conversations with him...and at the same time, I do not think that his intentions were to be a God that was completely removed from our lives, from our circumstance, and from what is important to us. The idea of tension, things that naturally contrast each other is heavy on my mind, there is a tension that is very real again in how we relate to Christ. So I am not sure if this is the most theologically sound approach, I am not sure that this is the best way to process or work my way through the conflicts that I walk through in my faith, but I think that it will work, I think that will help in my journey, and you know, if it does not help...I will probably just stop the conversation for awhile.
So I am not really sure how to start the conversation, I mean, he already knows everything about me, he definitely knows my name, he knows the number of hairs on my head, he pretty much knows it all, so now that he knows so much about me, maybe it is my turn to find out some more about him. That is not to say that he does not reveal himself quite clearly in all of creation, but there is still more to know, or perhaps a better way to phrase it, there is more that I need to understand about him.
So chatting with Jesus, not quite the fireside chats or the town hall meetings of the political hopefuls, more of two friends sitting out on a hill in the country, or maybe even on a crowded metro train car in Los Angeles. I am excited to find out more about Jesus, I really think he is the one who will help me struggle through the tensions that are all around me.

1.Russell, Rev. W. H. Russell. Chats With Jesus. P.J. Kenedy & Sons: New York, 1941.

Thoughts

Yesterday I lead our Life Group as we walked through Daniel chapter 1. A lot of people like to consider the similarities of the 6th century BC Babylonian empire and the American power of today, kind of interesting to consider. I am not so sure that I want to walk through any of the parallels that do or do not exist between the two, but I definitely find value in talking about how God moved in the book of Daniel. We talked a lot about the main theme that comes across right away, it is something that blows my mind. In Daniel chapter 1 we see that the Babylonians come and defeat Jehoakim and Juday, at first you read it as Nebuchadnezzar's might, but on a second read, you can see the way that God had it worded. It says that the Lord allowed for Nebuchadnezzar to defeat Jehoakim. Later we see that it is the Lord who allows Daniel and his three friends to find favor in the eyes of the guard, and there is also the power of God revealed in the favor that Nebuchadnezzar shows Daniel and his three friends in their final evaluation. We see all throughout the book that despite what appears to be in control, despite the might, power, and appearance of what is around us, God is actually in control. God is the author of what is going on, he is the one who determines how history transpires.
This is really incredible to consider on so many different levels. So often, we look at our lives and feel like we have no control as to what is going on around us. I did not choose so many of the pains and struggles that I have gone through. In fact, I could pretty easily say, that I would have hoped for some of the things to go a little differently. It is comforting to know that it is not an evil power over my life, or an evil force that is determining what is going on around me, it is not the Nebuchadnezzar's that are in control, it is God. God is the one who allows us to find favor, it is God who allows the defeat that seems to be too much for us to handle. God is the one who allows all of this.
But how does this play out in all of creation? If God is then responsible for all, does that then imply that God is then in control of all of the social injustice that takes place? Is God then in control of all the children that are sold into abuse? the children that starve to death in homes by themselves? How does this theology play itself out?
I have been listening to a book called "Irresistible Revolution" in the book the author talks about a comic he once saw. It portrayed two people having a conversation, the one man was struggling with all of the poverty and pain that is in this world. While he is struggling with this he runs into a friend and tells him that he is struggling with this. He asks his friend to help him in resolving this issue of injustice. His friend then asks him, why don't you ask God why this all exists? The friend replies, that he is scared to do this, because he knows what God's response will be. He knows that God will push back questioning the man with who he called to be his hands and his feet in this world.
God has called us to be his hands and his feet. What does this mean for me? How do we work to fight the social injustice that surrounds us? I am not happy with the state the world is in, but how do I play my part?

The New Mayor

Today, there is a lot that I could talk about. Last night was rather incredible to be honest, and I definitely did not expect it, but I am really unsure of the consequences for such a night. I do not know what this means for my life and my own health. Last night I went over to Jason’s house to celebrate his dad’s recent mayoral victory and sat together, for what was supposed to be a short celebration. Jason shared some of his pain he has from his childhood, and how that plays into the raising of his two sons. He shared that he is afraid he is not very creative with his boys, that he does well with them in other areas, like hanging out and playing cars, but not so much in creating fun ways to play their games in unique fashion. Jon then shared a little about his own fears in marriage and being afraid of carrying over some of his father’s habits of completely shutting out people, going months on end without talking to him or his siblings. This is an incredibly difficult thing to imagine. How incredibly painful to be so disgraced that you are not even spoken too. I am not sure that I understand all of this, but Jon’s story is an interesting one, one that is filled with heart-ache and pain, and also full of God’s mercy and grace. Jon and I are quite a bit different however. He said that he ran fully into God’s arms, waking up every morning at 6 am to go into a field to be with his dad…he would spend an hour or more there every morning. I did not do this. He said that God was all he had, so he would get up early go to this field and lay face down on ground, just spending time with God.
Jon and I are different. I am not really sure why I did not pursue God in this way, perhaps I was afraid, I mean, I spent a lot of time reading the Psalms, and was able to relate with David in quite a few of his psalms, I prayed those earnestly from my basement bedroom. I cried a lot at night. I felt a lone. I felt scared. I was unsure that God even really cared. But I also was able to learn that there had been a lot of other people who had the same kinds of fears. I never quite got to the point that the “floodwaters were up to my neck” but I did feel like I was left a lone in an incredibly large dark room, with no sign of light or anyone else…just myself, wandering if anyone knew where I was, or if anyone cared to find me.
I met a friend around that time, a friend who passionately loved God, not just by going to church, but loved him with his whole life. I learned that the simply answers I had been struggling through were not where the story of Jesus ends, he is in the dark open room with me. He is actually there protecting me from the things that I cannot even see, the things that are threatening me, that I am not even aware of. Mostly, he told me that I was loved. He had been through a lot of the same things that I was struggling with, and heck, he was ok, he was really, really happy and actually enjoyed his life, maybe that was something I could do to.
I am actually going to wait a bit with writing on high school and some of the rest of my life actually. I need to take a little break.
Have a great day, and may the grace and peace of Christ be with you.

A time to...

...I encourage you to be patient in what ministry God has planned for you, all of these wonderful things going on around you are very tempting to jump in and do also, BUT God has a definite plan for the two of you and if YOU try to make something happen, it may be a good thing but not the best thing. Learn from all that is happening around you, and do participate, but do not force things to go the way you think they should at this time. Patience, your time will come.

Fuller is the place for you, to grow, to learn, to expierence all that is out there. What other time in your life will this be all available to you?

Regarding Compton housing, the time will also be right for you, look how difficult it is so qualify, so I do not think there will be a mad rush on the program....You are a very special and gifted couple. GOD HAS ENORMOUS PLANS FOR YOU...

I thank and praise God for such excellent friends and counsel for Tara and I out here. The decisions surrounding Compton are huge, they are much larger than Tara and I are, that is for sure. They also fill me with excitement, fear, and a degree of uncertainty. I moved to California to give my life to God, to serve him first and foremost. My prayer has been for a long time, that my life is not my own, but that it be lived in faithful service to God, wherever and however that might look is totally dependent on Him. This was totally independent with concern for how much money I am making, wanting to live in faith that God will provide. So I came here and devoted myself to God and his church, specifically Emmanuel, but after two years of interning at Emmanuel and a number of changes, I now find myself part time at Emmanuel, and a full-time teacher, and also a part-time seminary student. So what was I called into, was I called to work for Emmanuel, was I called to seminary, was I called to teach, was I called to a combination of two or all three of these, what is exactly going on. My life is crazy busy, I do not have much time to contemplate what all is going on around me, but that is simply irresponsible. When I look at how I got to where I am today, I am not 100% sure that I know. I do really enjoy my classes at Fuller, I am enjoying my job at Emmanuel more than I have in quite awhile, as I consider it all, I am wondering if perhaps the confusion came into play with the video productions for the church. When I look back on my time, I think that I will have to put my finger on the videos as what changed everything. So what should my life look like? Am I going in the right direction? What is the long-term goal? Am I becoming too comfortable at Valley? Am I supposed to be comfortable? Tara and i are now over half-way through our first year of marriage. I am very blessed by my wife, we are well provided for, we live rather comfortably, and we live a happy life, with great friends, support, and an awesome God, but that is today...what about tomorrow? What is this supposed to look like? I know that God is quite clear that we do not need to worry about tomorrow, but I think that it is ok to have an idea as to where our lives our heading, but when trying to live our lives for God, I am not sure that we can know. This however leads to an interesting concept. At one point in life I definitely lived by the concept/idea that the holy spirit could only lead in last minute decisions and that any preparation would be stifling the Holy Spirit, and not something we want to be about, but now, after some good council, I have grown to learn that God in his infinite wisdom is able to plan ahead, and that the Holy Spirit is able to move far before my mind/body is ready for it. But all of this said, I still want to know where God is calling us, what he is calling us into. I agree with grandma when looking at 40 years, it is not only a long time, it is a lifetime in reality. So what does this mean, what is God saying to us right now. I suppose that our prayers move, and we ask that God will give us clarity, without question. I know that faith is a good thing. It is something that God rewards us for having, but God, we want to give you our lives, and I definitely know that my decisions are easily swayed and are easily directed by selfish desires. For this reason, I strongly pray that God will reveal to us where we are called to. We have been blessed with a knowledge and a love for God that is not just for ourselves, but is something that we are called to pour out on all of those around us. Our lives have been blessed by many experiences, and God is ready to use them, but we just need to know where we can go, where we are being called to be a blessing. We are getting tired of simply looking to God and feeding ourselves and not investing in those around us. I mean, we do invest in our friends, we do discipleship and we love all of those that God gives us, but the people we love, are very lovable, perhaps we are being called to love some that are not easily loved. But then again, we do not really know. We just want to have our lives be God's and not our own. In short, please be praying for us, that we might follow closely in the way our Rabbi.
grace and peace,

The Weekend

Well, it is Monday, and we are on the end of a very nice and relaxing weekend. There is not a ton of news as to what is going on, but we did have a great weekend relaxing and working on our grades. Tara and I had a great date on Friday night, we were going to go and travel somewhere for the weekend, but after Catalina last weekend, we decided that we should save some of our money, therefore, our date was an awesome salmon dinner at home, and a chance to catch up on some of our favorite TV shows that we do not have time to catch during the week. Saturday, Tara graded ALL day long. I did for part of the day, but the house was beginning to bother me, so I opted for cleaning and taking care of some errands like washing the cars, and filling them with gas for the upcoming week. We had an awesome dinner with Matt and Melissa DeHaan, down at the new Famous Dave's (Tara's favorite Restaurant). After dinner, we came back, went on a quick drive through Compton, to show them the house we are looking at on Burris, and then came back to our house to play Scrabble. I should definitely add, that my favorite day right now is Day Light Savings Day-wow, an extra-hour of sleep, how amazing!!! We then had our scripture study on Sunday Morning, as life group leaders, Tara and I go to a scripture study to look over what the other life groups are reading, so it is a great opportunity to look deep into the book of John. We had a great brunch with Tyler to catch up on what is going on with his life. It is such a gift to have him as a friend! We then headed to the noon service and had an awesome sermon from Ken on Hebrews 11 and the faith of Noah. At the end he really hit well on the idea of tithing. We have already been tithing on our gross income, not our net, but we are going to be praying through increasing our tithe above the 10% and see where God takes us on this.
After church, we headed home, Tara got to work on her grading, and I ran to Costco to make some of our purchases, and boy there were a lot of them!
Now for our mini, we had a great first Life Group, or A:2 mini or whatever you want to call it. Shelley, Isaiah, Amy, Ben, Rich, Kathy, Tara, and myself all got together for a wonderful dinner and an excellent conversation on the church, and what the church means to us, how we have been blessed by the institution of the church, and hurt by the church, then leading into how we can work on improving those difficulties. We then talked about what we will be studying and decided that we will be looking at Daniel chapter 1 for next week and will be working our way through this great book in a scripture study format.
I am realizing that this is a rather boring blog today, not too many revolutions, more of a catch up with what is going on in our lives, but I do have some great stuff to add, but not until later.
We have really been praying through the Compton move and looking at what is in front of us. I received and email from Kathy on Saturday, that I am excited to share, I believe they were able to hit on some great insight, and gave me a great challenge to really focus on what I can learn at Fuller.
On the side, with Valley, we are at the beginning of another quarter, and the first one is now behind me. I have added to my classes that I am teaching, two eighth grade classes and a seventh grade class, all of which are approximately 27 students. It is going to be an interesting quarter, there is a lot of vacation time during this quarter, starting this week already. We have Thursday afternoon and all day Friday off, and I think that I might go Snowboarding with Tyler, which I am pretty excited about.

The Big Move

Our prayer is that our life is not our own, but that we might live in faithful service of God, no matter where he calls us...






As Tara and I begin our journey together, we pray that God takes our lives and uses them however he would see fit. On Tuesday, October 16, we had dinner with the Comb’s family of Compton, and began walking through what their life of ministry has been like living in the city of Compton. It is amazing, God has been using these two awesome people and their young family to truly love and lift not only their neighborhood, but also the entire city.
The thought of moving into Compton, for not just a few years, but for a lifetime is rather difficult at times, it is in particularly difficult I think for our families, but we covet your prayers and pray that God will give you the same peace that He has given to us. Below you can find a map of one of the houses that we are checking out.
Our prayers are with Rich and Kathy, in the passing of Rich’s dad on Sunday. We have been blessed by an amazing family out here, and hope that they know how much we love them and how much they mean to us. We are also celebrating the birth of Emily Joy as of last night. Praise God for new life and the amazing family she is being born into.
Grace and Peace.

The Train

So what do we do when we come into contact with the opportunity to live out the gospel. Do we look blindly at it, completely ignorant to its calling, do we recognize it, and smile as we watch it walk past, or do we stand up and yell I LOVE YOU...MEET JESUS IN ME!!!



A really thin black man, with tattered clothes and a very colorful, yet beaten up cane has come on the train as I have ridden it many times before. I have never really known what to make of this man, I sometimes wonder as to whether or not they are really in need, really blind, really hurt, or are really going to use the money that they are asking for to buy their prescriptions and food like they claim, or if it is what so many white-middle class Americans assume, most of the time which may be the case, that they are going to use your money to go and fulfill their next drug or alcohol fix. But like I said before, I had seen this man on the train a few times before, he had my attention, and I actually listened to what he had to say, he was a diabetic, he would happily take food, but not sugary food, of course, and really just needed some money to help buy something warm to drink and a burger. He was just asking for dimes or whatever else we might have. After he said all of this in english, he proceeded to do the entire request over in spanish, but the next part is what surprised me. It was as though he recognized my doubt and went ahead and did something he had not done the previous times, I sat and quietly watched, from a much greater distance than I did last night. He actually took out his eyes and showed that they were glass. In order, to fulfill my duty as a white-middle class american, I did the typical lame thing, and gave him the 50 cents that were in my pocket, but this opened my eyes up...this revealed to me something that was far more valuable than the 50 cents. I mean, I had processed through the awesomeness of being able to offer this blind man sight, I mean, I think that it would be really cool to have a guy who just showed an entire train that his eyes were made of glass, and then to pray for him, and the atomical structure of the glass is transformed into flesh, flesh that works, and allows him to see, but then I thought, what if that isn't what he wanted. What if he didn't want what we all thought of as such a necessity, would that be a gift to him, or would it force him into a life that he does not want to live. When reflecting on this, the Mark passages we had looked at last year in scripture study came to mind and revealed to me something larger than I had ever imagined. When Jesus was asking the person what they wanted, it wasn't just to get them to ask, it wasn't because he needed them to need him, perhaps he truly wanted them to be blessed, and wanted to know what that looked like for them.
So, I messed up this time, I simply gave him 50 cents, it was more than what he was asking for, but I didn't ask what he needed. I think the next time I ride the train and I run into this guy, I might ask him to have a seat next to me, I think that I will ask him his name first of all, and then, I am going to ask him what he needs. Who knows, I might bring some bread along, just as a temporary gift, to help our conversation along a little. I just hope and pray that God gives me, not what I need, but what this beautiful child of God is in need of most.
And as he said on his way out the train car...I'll pay you back on Sunday.

I wish that this was the only mistake I made on the trains last night. Oblivious to all that goes on around me 90% of the time, I have decided, I was sitting on the platform at Willmington/Imperial Station waiting on the green line to take me to Lakewood station, and a rather tall black man on a scooter was waiting beside me. I again, did the polite white-middle class Christian thing and made sure he was able to get on the train, without caring who he was as a person. I did not notice until he was getting off at Long Beach Station, that his briefcase, underneath of his seat had a UNI logo on it. I had an in with this man, an conversation starter, one that was never realized. You know, it is good to think, it is good to look outside of ourselves and our normal modes of life, but WAKE-UP, people need Jesus today. I happen to know who he is, I happen to have him living in side of me, but why am I not sharing him, why am I only thinking of ways to do it, while I watch amazing opportunities of love passing me by.

Please pray for me, pray that I will not be so selfish with my thoughts, so oblivious to the people that need Jesus all around me. I am tired of holding this secret and not sharing the love that has saved my life and given me reason to live.

Grace and Peace